15 Things White Girls Love To Do on Facebook

1. Take pictures of their feet.

This is what our feet look like!

2. Express their extreme annoyance at this work day today and hint that it deserves a much needed alcoholic beverage at the end of it. WINK WINK.

3. Thank their hubby for being the best hubby in the world while their hubby is sitting right next to them.

4. Complain about bad service at restaurants. “Never eating at Applebee’s AGAIN!”

5. Express their extreme excitement to see their best friends tonight, Brintney, Whitney, and Sarah!!! Love YOU GIRLS!!

6. Take pictures wearing a lot of makeup and looking really preppy while simultaneously making a “hard” facial expression and holding up what they consider to be a gangster sign. Potential caption: ‘Straight thuggin.’

We're hard!!!

7. Take pictures of undeserving food.

I effing love oatmeal!!! Mmmmmmm.

8. Make their status the song lyrics of any Kings of Leon Song.

9. Take a picture of someone they deem inferior to themselves in some way with the question: Really?

10. Write angry letters to companies (Dear EZ PARK, I hate you!), unorganized groups of people (Dear slutty freshmen who think that leggings can be worn as pants..), and non-entities (Dear unseasonably cold weather, WTF?!)

11. Subtly yell at no one in particular while being very specific. “Wow, it’s hard to believe that you think you know someone and then they turn around and STAB YOU IN THE BACK. Will never make that mistake again. EVER.”

12. Document exceedingly mundane activites for the day. “Getting my oil changed today. Then getting much needed groceries. Then it’s off to the post office to mail some bills. Then stopping by the gyno. Will probably need some gas by the end, so I may stop at the gas station. But I might be tired so I’ll probably just get it in the morning on my way to pick up a prescription. But if I’m not very tired I’ll probably just get the gas on the way home. Again, unless I am tired.”

13. Express their distaste for facebook on facebook and threaten to leave facebook to their facebook friends.

14. Ask seemingly rhetorical questions. “It’s cool to do a bunch of meth and babysit 20 six year olds, right?”

15. Write a status in another language. Parce que, Je suis tres intelligente!!

Love,

Mary. A white girl on facebook, guilty of most of these things.

**My friend Matt Damon (aka Kaitlin) collaborated on the trends of facebook with me. A much more detailed version will be in our book we’re writing. Which will be published….one day…

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1,800 thoughts on “15 Things White Girls Love To Do on Facebook

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  3. Love it. Very accurate, made me laugh. When will the black girls list be released? And the indian guys list? Please post them soon, as I assume that patternish social behaviour is not a matter of skin colour but of being human

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  7. For some reason, most husband and wife Facebook duos feel compelled to have in-depth conversations via the status update and subsequent comments, and will eventually resort to using pet names.

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  8. Wow, I really think some people need to chill out a bit and take this for the light-hearted ribbing it is meant to be. They are poking fun at themselves, and their friends. I sincerely doubt that there is anything racist behind this. Just because something is funny, does not make it racist. If I see someone fall/ slip/ trip/ whatever and I laugh, I am laughing at what happened, not who it happened to. Funny. Not Racist. We are laughing at what she is saying she and her friends do, not that they do it because they are white girls. People who think the opposite, I feel, need to look past the end of their noses and see the whole picture, not just the cover.
    Relax. Enjoy. Laugh. Argue racist issues, where racist issues are present, not a harmless blog about shit on FB.

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  9. Wow, I really think everyone needs to chill out, and look at this for the light-hearted ribbing it is meant to be. These girls are poking fun at themselves, and their friends. I sincerely doubt there is anything racist about it. Just because something is funny does not make it racist. If i see a person fall/ slip/ whatever and I laugh, i am laughing at what happened, not who it happened to. Funny. Not Racist. We are laughing at what she is saying not that she is saying “white girls” do it. Action, not title…..
    These people need to look further than the end of their nose, and see at the WHOLE picture, not just the cover.

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  11. Rats ! Some of these things I qualify for,but I,m Puerto Rican qualify , : ))But the whole taking pics of the feet together with amazing nail polish on is something my awesome daughter and I love to do once ina while : )))))))))

    Like

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