I keep having the most STRESSFUL dreams ever. And it doesn’t help to have a migraine permeating them. Last night was one that I have pretty often. It’s finals week, but in some variation of high school/middle school/church camp. A teacher that taught me in middle school named Mr. Goldsworthy, (whoa, I am just realizing what an awesome last name that is!) is the one who’s final I am unprepared for. He was a really good teacher, but tough. So I am scrambling in the dream because it is made apparent to me that I have not attended one class all semester and there is no possible way I am going to do well on this math exam. It’s crazy stressful. In last night’s dream I was desperate for a calculator but all I could find were those crappy 5 dollar ones you get at Walgreens but what I really wanted was the scientific kind because those things basically do the math for you, y’know? Anyway of course I woke sweating from my eccrine sudoriferous glands (NURSING SCHOOL WHAT WHAT) with a KILLER migraine. It was a really stressful way to wake up. I did not pack last night. I need to pack. Peace in the middle east.
So my new haircut has me looking like an 80’s butt rocker but that’s OK because… I’m Going to Miami!…(cue Will Smith song.) My doctor/Godsend/Miracle Worker/all that is good and powerful/ is there. It so happens to be that my brothers in-laws live there too so we’re having a little reunion where hopefully I will get some sun with the fam and good news from the new blood work.
When I first had my blood taken there in February we discovered my immune system was four times more active than average and my T-Cells were 1/4 of what they should be. So that had a little to do with the feeling that I might crumple over and die at any second. For that, the doc prescribed immunovir, an anti-viral, which put my pill-per-day number right around 20. Blood work in June showed some improvement but hopefully this next round will show even more. I’m sure everyone is at home just biting their nails at the results so I will report them in a timely fashion. You’re welcome!
Traveling really blows and I always seem to crash hard the day after I fly. (Like, stuck in bed most of the day.) Nola to Miami isn’t so long but it happened last time I made the trip, so the doctor said to drink twice as many fluids on the day of travel and eat protein. Check and check. The best part of traveling is the ginger ale you order on the plane, and the people watching. I wish it were appropriate to wear sunglasses in the airport so I could watch everyone without looking like such a creep. But I’m pretty sure I’d just look douchey with my shades on so I’ll have to pretend to read something. Reading? Ew!
I have to pack. I’m a terrible packer. Let’s see if I can get it right.
Health Happiness and Butt Rocking Hair Cuts!
This is a great song that reminds me of “Death to the Ego.” Can’t stop listening to it…Click here to give it a go, bet you can’t listen just once. It’s like lays potato chips.
There’s something that is harder than being sick, and that is being alone. My mom runs a CFS/Fibro support group in Covington, LA. I’ve been to a few of them. It’s really funny when I go because it’s me and a bunch of old farts. (Just kidding mom!!) While I am by far the youngest person there, age doesn’t seem to matter. We all share something that makes us see eye to eye on a level that most other people just can’t get to. They’re lucky!
The last meeting showed me the other side of the illness, and that is the depression that goes along with it. Beyond our chemicals being screwy and causing depression and other cognitive challenges, there is sometimes a feeling that you’re all alone and nobody gets it. The truth is it’s very hard for people to understand an illness that they’ve 1.never heard of and 2. the only thing they’ve heard is that it’s made up. There is a demoralizing feeling when you see people roll their eyes at your situation, call you lazy, crazy, or starved for attention. I’ve heard it all honestly, and by the end of last year I was so sick I actually stopped caring about people’s perception about it. The truth is I was too weak to take on another battle.
The beauty of that is, I stopped giving my energy to something that in the end, doesn’t matter. People don’t need to believe you. They don’t have to feel bad for you. Those things aren’t going to get you better anyway. Because our energy is so limited, we should choose very carefully to what and to whom we give it. Giving non-believers a smidegeon of it is a waste. I don’t mean that you should ignore them altogether, in fact I think it is good to share current information with people you care about so they can understand a little bit of what it is you’re dealing with. But beyond that, it’s up to them. Don’t focus on changing people’s minds. They’ll end up getting it or they won’t, but that’s not our cause ultimately. Getting BETTER is!
Support groups are a more constructive way to connect with people that you don’t have to convince you’re sick. If you don’t have one in your area, you should consider starting one. I guarentee people will join! Anyway, there is one thing I’ve realized throughout the last year of being very sick. And that is you can’t do it alone. Our egos don’t like to admit that, but it’s the simple truth. For me, my mom was my savior. I am not sure where I would be if it weren’t for her. The last few days in my apartment before I moved in with her, I would be really hungry or really thirsty, but feel too weak to make dinner or fill a glass of water. I know that sounds like an exaggeration but it really isn’t. Beyond that, sometimes the idea of dinner overwhelmed me. Trying to think of all the ingredients I would need to make something, going to the store, even choosing what I wanted would make my already hurting head spin. So I’d eat something random like pickles and maybe some cheese and crackers if I was lucky. I’d never get better that way. On a simple level, moving back in with my mom at the peak of my illness saved me because I started eating healthy meals and drinking water. Having someone there for you is so vital with an illness like this. So if you have someone who is there for you, give them a kiss today. And if you ARE the person that helps, keep it up. Sometimes it’s a thankless job, but I honestly don’t think I would’ve made it on my own. Actually I know I wouldn’t have.
The point is, we’re people. And people need people. And sick people REALLY need people. Just not other sick people, then we’d just be a bunch of sick people going hungry in our own homes. That’s all for now.
Peace Love Health and Happiness.
Today is the first day of Fall. But don’t tell New Orleans that because it still feels like summer here and it probably will for a while. Ew. I guess it’s a little cooler than normal. A little.
How is my health you ask? It’s OK. Thank you for asking. I stopped taking my anti-biotics for lyme disease 2 weeks ago. I was on two of them for six months. The doc says to pay close attention to how I feel, if I begin to decline we need to do a second round of them. Hopefully that won’t happen though, because they’re a pain to take and really wreck your stomach. For the most part I’ve been doing better. Like I can walk and stuff. JK. I like that joke because there was a period in my life (January/February) where walking was actually very difficult. Now I can do it with ease, so that IS an improvement.
I was having a good week until Thursday, my pain got really bad for some reason and I was extremely fatigued. Tried to figure out what I did differently but of course couldn’t really come up with anything. Just made it to my anatomy and psychology classes then spent the rest of the day lying down. Friday wasn’t any better, another migraine and more exhaustion, so I spent yesterday in bed most of the day too. But today I am migraine free. I’m still very stiff and had plenty of nightmares last night as usual, (Like a woman who was going to kill a litter of kittens!) but my neck pain has calmed down. I think the fish oil really helps with that.
The best part of Fall is that you get to spend ample time sitting and watching football on the weekends and I’m really good at that. LSU has a big game today, so I’m looking forward to it. And sitting. I wonder if my community college has a football game today. We’re the Dolphins.
Besides that I’m not doing anything but writing and watching Monty chase flies. Wait, I AM getting a haircut. I love haircuts. I get only 2 a year so I’m excited, as long as she doesn’t SCREW IT UP. Bye bye long hair. OK, off to watch football and put my feet up. They hurt. Duh.