15 Things White Girls Love To Do on Facebook

1. Take pictures of their feet.

This is what our feet look like!

2. Express their extreme annoyance at this work day and hint that it deserves a much needed alcoholic beverage at the end of it. WINK WINK.

3. Thank their hubby for being the best hubby in the world while their hubby is sitting right next to them.

4. Complain about bad service at a fine dining establishments. “Never eating at Applebee’s AGAIN!”

5. Express their extreme excitement to see their best friends tonight, Britney, Whitney, and Sarah!!! LOVE YOU LADIES!!

6. Take pictures wearing a lot of makeup and looking really preppy while simultaneously making a “hard” facial expression and holding up what they consider to be a gangster sign. Potential caption: ‘Straight thuggin.’

We’re hard!!!

7. Take pictures of undeserving food.

I effing love oatmeal!!! Mmmmmmm.

8. Make their status the song lyrics of any Kings of Leon Song.

9. Take a picture of someone they deem inferior to themselves in some way with the question: Really?

10. Write angry letters to companies (Dear EZ PARK, I hate you!), unorganized groups of people (Dear slutty freshmen who think that leggings can be worn as pants..), and non-entities (Dear unseasonably cold weather, WTF?!)

11. Subtly yell at no one in particular while being very specific. “Wow, it’s hard to believe that you think you know someone and then they turn around and STAB YOU IN THE BACK. Will never make that mistake again. EVER.”

12. Document exceedingly mundane activites for the day. “Getting my oil changed today. Then getting much needed groceries. Then it’s off to the post office to return a package. Then stopping by the gyno. Will probably need some gas by the end, so I may stop at the gas station. But I might be tired so I’ll probably just get it in the morning on my way to pick up a prescription. But if I’m not very tired I’ll probably just get the gas on the way home. Again, unless I am tired.”

13. Express their distaste for facebook on facebook and threaten to leave facebook to their facebook friends.

14. Ask seemingly rhetorical questions. “It’s cool to do a bunch of meth and babysit 20 six year olds, right? Hehe.”

15. Write a status in another language. Parce que, Je suis tres intelligente!!


Mary. A white girl on facebook, guilty of most of these things.

**My friend Matt Damon (aka Kaitlin) collaborated on the trends of facebook with me. A much more detailed version will be in our book we’re writing. Which will be published….one day…


1,815 thoughts on “15 Things White Girls Love To Do on Facebook

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  6. Only white girls? Actually I there are a bunch of Hispanic girls at my school who do these things… well, not all of them maybe, but certainly some, like making indirect statuses or taking a picture of themselves with a tough expression with the caption “Thug Lyfe!!!!111!!!” or something stupid like that. In fact, boys do that one too… even more than girls, actually.


  7. Why would you write something like this, all your doing is making white girls like stupid and brainless. Why would you give more ammo to the haters to talk shit and say how stupid you are….. People like you and your friend are the reason people think white people are dumb and stupid, like when something crazt happens and the news seems to find the dumbest and worst case scenerio for a white person and interveiw him..and he says something off the wall and down right ignorant… people look at that and say ,,,,Look AT THEM STUPID ASS WHITE PEOPLE….. BEFORE YOU DOWNGRADE WHITE GIRLS { or PEOPLE } think about what your doing and saying before you print it ….. >>>> Quote of the day <<<<<<< THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK ,CAUSE YOU MIGHT JUST BE AS DUMB AS WE THINK YOU ARE !!!!!!!!!


    1. Haters gonna hate! This is just a joke. A true joke, but meant in jest not to be taken as seriously as you just did!


    2. Please learn to use “you’re” and “your” correctly as well as captions before you complain that you’re not as dumb as the people to whom this silly post is referring.


    3. That list doesn’t make me think less of white girls. Your reponse does. Plese learn spelling, grammar, and proofreading before again writing to insist you are intelligent.


        1. No. Dont go blaming all white girls for your dumb shit. Thats like me saying all women are evil because my ex left me. My ex left because SHES an evil bitch, not because ALL women are evil bitches.


    4. No no one thinks white people are dumb because of this article. People think white people doing dumb things are dumb, because of the dumb shit they do. Im guessing youre guilty of the lot of it.


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