Believe in Miracles? Believe This.

Good News! I woke up yesterday totally healed. I have loads of energy and no pain at all. I threw out all my pills and I’ve signed up for a marathon and begin full-time work next week! Haha. Just kidding. But that would be cool wouldn’t it? I’d write my final blog post: “Well, I’m all better now. Peace suckers!!!!”

Last week I put out a call to the master of the Universe with a very modern hope that he reads blogs, and specifically mine. Well it appears, he does. Or he did. After a really tough couple of weeks with bone crushing fatigue and other relentless symptoms, I woke up on Monday…lighter. My weakness seemed to have lifted overnight and I felt energy that I hadn’t felt in a long time. It was bizarre. I didn’t think too hard about it fearing if I did it would somehow leave. On good days you just count your blessings and then you get a few things done that have gone undone and overdue while you were busy sleeping, living under a rock. Or covers. You get it.

I was surprised and deeply moved when I looked at the blog on Monday to see so many people had rallied in my corner, sending positive thoughts and prayers. Many of them perfect strangers. My mom had also written an email to family and friends asking for some divine help, as nothing on “this side” was really working. I was again taken back when I signed onto Facebook to see people gathering troops in prayer groups and the like to pray for me…a sick girl who asked for a little relief. My cousin Cindy asked her “prayer warriors” to come together and see if they couldn’t “lighten her load.” On Monday that is exactly what it felt like physically; like my load had been lightened. That heaviness I had been carrying around, gone. Once again, perfect strangers wrote to say they had been praying for me, many of them offering beautiful and supportive encouragement, assuring me I would get through this. People emailed my mom back all with truly inspiring and beautiful things to say, some as succinct as “Hang on, you’ll get through it.”  As I read I cried, overcome by gratitude. But more importantly I believed what people said. I was assured I’d see the other side. With each message I felt a swelling warmth in my chest. Suddenly it struck me that the miracle was not that I woke up basically symptom free on Monday. It was how quickly humanity had come together-friends, family and strangers–with powerful intentions, love, support, and healing thoughts for a girl who some had never even met. It reminded me that we are in this together. We are not each one life, but an interconnected string of lives, and that when we assemble for good cause we are capable of incredible things. When one of us is pain, we all feel it somehow. When one of us overcomes, we all win. And maybe most importantly, when one of us strengthens and expands her consciousness, all the worlds consciousness is raised. We all evolve.

I laugh because in my blog I asked God for one day. Just one day of relief. Well, I was given two. By Tuesday night I felt the heaviness start to come back. My  muscles weakened and my familiar sick disposition descended on me. I know that on the outside it seems unfair. Why give her two days? Why not give her the rest of her life? And if God were a genie and life were a two-hour movie, that’s probably how it would work. But we are living in the midst of eternity here–our lifetimes in that context are a flash, but each one brings an invaluable meaning to the whole. The lessons we learn often take a whole lifetime to get perfect, but each contributes a small piece to the universal puzzle. Anyway, in my blog I sadly theorized that maybe I was forgotten about. My symtom-free two days reminded me ever so gently that no, I was not forgotten. This is just the work I have to do right now. A lot of it from bed. Seemingly on the outskirts of the high-paced world, the 9-5 jobs, security or fortune or fame. But just because you live a lot of your life in solitude does not mean you’re alone. Just because you don’t wear fancy dresses and attend important events doesn’t make your life’s work or contribution any less important. We all have very individual paths and under closer examination the design reveals itself as perfect. When I consider that my passion is and has always been writing, something that was absolutely untouched by the illness except that it gave me my platform to begin, there’s no question that there is a higher intelligence who’s job isn’t easy either. I doubt the creator likes to see his masterpieces suffer, but that’s the difference between us and him; he can see the finish line and we can’t.

To keep living takes a massive amount of trust on our part, especially in the midst of pain and hardship. But it’s that solid trust inside me that tells me to keep going. That’s what the voice is grounded in; trust in the grand design. That this is the work I have to do right now in order to become whole, to evolve, and to find inner peace. I often fantasize about a life that I don’t have. One where I wear pretty dresses and attend charity dinners and I charm people with gracefully told jokes and stories. “Tell us another one Mary! You’re the greatest story-teller ever!” they all yell.

That Mary Is One Hell of a Story Teller!!
That Mary Is One Hell of a Story Teller!!

Haha. I have no idea why that’s what I fantasize about, but it is. And maybe one day I will dress up and I will do those things at a party–but for now I need to be where I am and remember it won’t always be this way. Remind myself that I still have access to life’s greatest treasures whether I’m in my grandpa’s pajamas or in a dress at a fancy party: Love, passion, friendship, community, creativity and hope–they’re all still there. I am still young relatively and I’m still figuring it all out. I don’t know exactly what I believe in, I just know that after last week, I believe.

And I hope you do too, because you were very much a part of it.

Health, Happiness, Miracles.

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29 thoughts on “Believe in Miracles? Believe This.

  1. Reblogged this on The Treasure Trove and commented:
    I read the line about going off her meds. I wondered if she was being sarcastic. It seemed like it. I wanted to know more. I began scanning, to get a feel for the writer, having never seen this blog prior. And then I came across the line that made me pause:

    “…the miracle was not that I woke up basically symptom free on Monday. It was how quickly humanity had come together…”

    Yes. This is a person who has been through it, delved deep within, who continues to go through it, and yet speaks to us even so.

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  2. I love this line: “…the miracle was not that I woke up basically symptom free on Monday. It was how quickly humanity had come together…” While I do not suffer from the same ailment, and will not lay claim to understand, I have suffered from chronic illness for the past 20 years, and it is so tiresome. I have felt my share of ‘miracles’ and it touches me when humanity truly does come together. That is one reason I began blogging. To reach out. To connect. I wasn’t getting enough. People aren’t getting enough of one another. No one visits anymore. So maybe, in writing, in using our new technology (instead of the pen), we can still reach one another. As people reached out to you.
    Thank you for sharing this.

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  3. I needed a reminder that although I’m in my house, often stuck on my couch or bed, that I’m not forgotten or truly alone. Suddenly I stumbled upon this blog entry and I feel understood. Thank you so much for this blog and sharing your experiences. It’s hard to not get lost with “invisible illnesses”.

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  4. Not the same, I know, but as I slog through a job I really don’t like, this line: “That this is the work I have to do right now in order to become whole, to evolve, and to find inner peace.” reminded me why I’m doing it. So, we have to hold tight to that, and I hope you don’t have to hold on too tightly, that your body will grant you respite again soon.

    And, PS-the ad under your last line always seems to fit just brilliantly. You end with ‘miracle’s here, and the ad I see is for the $29k Mercedes-Benz. Brilliant, YouTube!

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  5. I was really excited when you responded to my last comment – it was like having fan mail answered by some kind of celebrity! I’m glad to hear our comments and prayers are making a difference for you. :) Hugs.

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  6. i’m glad you had a couple days of relief. if i read you or anyone else isn’t doing well i try and pray/send good energy/ whatever one likes to call it. in hopes that they feel better even if i’m not having a good day. i hope things allow you to have more good days then bad.

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  7. i will now think of you in party dresses battling your fatigue. why not? in fact, i think that’s what you should wear while you get better. PARTY DRESSES EVERYDAY. keep writing, mary. keep writing. xo

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    1. I think you may have just inspired me to begin wearing fancy dresses whether I’m stuck in bed or not. I’ll follow up with pictures if this happens…thanks for the encouragement :)

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  8. Such a life affirming message. In my experience I have often been astounded by the regularity with which prayer appears to be answered, rather than amazed that it ever is. I do wonder if we should simply take more literally the number of times we are told to pray for what we want, and to expect that it will be delivered more often than not. Maybe the super-natural power of God, the Universe (or whatever the mystery is) is actually much more simple and immediate than we realise.

    Of course, as one wise man once said to me, “God always answers prayers, it’s just that sometimes the answer is “no”.” But we are all blessed by your experience, and more importantly, blessed by the humorous and gentle way in which you shared it. Thank you.

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      1. *grins* Thank you Mary, it’s because my surname is Yolland and since time immemorial the men in my family have been called “Yolly” by their spouses, friends, work colleagues etc. If someone called me Mr Yolland I would be very confused :-)

        Keep up the writing. You are very talented, you have a strong sense of humour and grace, and your work beings a thoughtful smile to a host of faces every time you post. I would hesitate to suggest that God likes you flat on your back feeling sick and keeps you that way to provoke you to write – I really don’t think he works that way, although over the centuries some theologians have believed that. But you are making the absolute most of a difficult situation, and turning it into something rather wonderful sometimes, and I am sure that He, and your family, and your readers, are very proud of you.

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  9. That is wonderful to hear! It is amazing how much you can appreciate the good things when they are so rare. I hope that you get more high energy days soon :) And until then we will all be thinking of you, and waiting expectanly for your next words of wisdom :)

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  10. Love your blog. Hannah and I still love to laugh and smile about you toasting at Thanksgiving and singing Plymouth Rock. Glad you had a couple good days. We are praying for you.

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  11. Keep finding those things to hold on to. Keep writing. Keep trusting in family and friends. Keep hugging on Monte. Keep searching for the creator and sustainer of life. And those of us who’ve never met you in person will keep reading and keep praying that your life grows ever richer, ever more meaningful, overflowing into the fullness of divine grace and peace.

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  12. Beautiful! And you ARE the greatest story teller in the world!! Well at least on my blog list. You are one of only two that I get sent to my email :) Your post really helped me today. I’m at a low point in life but I know I’m on the path God wants me to be on, I just have to trust Him that it will all work out in the end. And it will because He loves us. I’m glad to hear you had a few days’ reprieve from the pain you’re in. Keep your head up and keep posting good stuff :) You’re in my prayers!

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